It's been too long...

"And so this is Christmas..."

I admit I was dreading this season. I was terrified on how we would take care of the children, the teacher gifts, etc. I know it isn't about the commercialization of the day, but rather a reflection on what the day truly means. After all, isn't the reason we give gifts to each other to symbolize the gift God gave us all?

We put a lay a way in at K-Mart and began to discuss in great detail what we were going to do for our five kids. One needs a laptop for college, others need clothing, and then there is the WANTED list for each. All of which can be terribly daunting for a family holding it together on one income and unemployment benefits.

Until this past week, I wasn't touched by anything remotely resembling Christmas Spirit. I am thrilled to say that's changed... not by a sudden onslaught of money or the ability to buy thousands of dollars of items for my kids, but rather by helping others.

First off my girl scout troop working with area churches presented gifts to two families who are homeless. (A third family was working at the time of our presentation.) The churches house the families for a week at a time and work with them to get them back into a home of their own.

One family was interviewed by our local TV station. When you hear their story, you can't help but feel empowered by where they are going. They are a young couple with their first child. A blonde haired blue eyed cherub who is 9 months old. The young man had a job and they were renting a mobile home from a family member. The family member sold the mobile home to help pay off some of his expenses. In this day and age when a $10.00 per hour job is what's available, it lends very little money to putting back a down payment or deposit on the next place. As such, two young parents found themselves in a precarious situation right before their child's first Christmas. The gentleman was able to obtain a higher paying job and they are moving into their own place this week.

The families gave a list to Amy, our leader (I am the co-leader) and an extraordinary woman, through the program's coordinator. She was able to spend $100.00 on each family and complete their lists. On Wednesday night a portion of our girls (we have 22 in our troop) gathered with us and their parents and a few younger siblings to watch as "our" families were given a little reprieve from their lives. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we were thanked. The second family had just entered into the program and it was a man and his two daughters. The little girls were a flurry of activity bouncing around opening one gift and dashing on to the next. They had requested winter boots and judging by how the youngest girl placed her new pink boots on her feet before opening up her toys, I am guessing she really adored them! Before we left that evening the little girls were all playing with their new toys. It sounds simple, doesn't it? Give a child a toy and sit back and watch in amazement as they play.

On my own I became associated with a group on Facebook dedicated to assisting families in our area who just can't push the boundaries of their budgets any further to accommodate for things like Christmas. I decided to adopt two families- buying for two little boys, a little girl and an infant. I won't go into any more detail than that, for most of us have been THERE, doing the best we can not to sink but faced with the heartbreak of just not having anything extra. Statistics show that a lot of families are one to two paychecks away from being homeless; if what "they" say is true there are a lot of us who could be walking in the shoes of families who need help with one unfortunate experience like a sudden illness or a cut back on hours at work.

I bought a small amount of presents for these children, as well as some groceries and sundries for their families. If you get free meals at school for your children and they are suddenly home for breakfast and lunch, it can be a serious strain on that already stretched budget. Two of the children wear clothing in sizes some of my children have outgrown and so I am donating it to them. My prayer is that these mothers and fathers can rise above the blame game they may be playing in their heads and just enjoy the day with their families. Of course, I will sit back and wish I could have done more. I plan on continuing to help because once Christmas is over children still out grow clothing and help is still necessary.

My husband shared a link on my facebook page about secret Santas who were paying off lay-a-ways at K-Mart for people. Some were close to having them closed out for non-payment. One woman was at her son's bedside in a children's hospital and when K-Mart called her to inform her she began yelling out "WE WILL HAVE A CHRISTMAS!" Many other recipients simply cried right in the middle of the store. This phenomenon occurred in several states with no seeming rhyme or reason- just a few folks with the intention to help others.

I firmly believe that we have to help God on this planet. As a Catholic I was taught the corporal and spiritual works of Mercy. Most of them are common sense things we should be doing to each other as riders on this merry-go-round we call Earth; visiting the sick, burying the dead, giving food and drink to the hungry and thirsty, clothing the naked. Last month my children's school asked students to bring in quarters to buy a well for a village without clean drinking water. This month they are in the process of collecting 114 coats for those who can use them. "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (Matthew 25:40)

I believe that God works through us to be the answer to so many prayers. He has a lot of big problems facing Him- wars, famine, genocide, and natural disasters to name a few. I refrain from labeling anyone's problems as "small" as they are not to those burdened with them. However I think that God needs those of us who can to extend our hands to our brothers and sisters and pull them up from despair, from sadness, from loneliness, from trepidation. You just never know when you will be the answer to someone's prayers. God knows what He is doing, He put us where we need to be for reasons that are sometimes crystal clear to us and at other times as clear as mud. All He asks is that we believe.

John Mellencamp sang that "Everyone needs a hand to hold on to. Don't need to be no rich hand, don't need to be no strong hand. Everyone just needs a hand to hold on to." It works both ways- it's not only those who are holding their hand out for anyone to grab who are those in need. The folks who grab those hands are just as needy- sometimes unbeknownst to them and not necessarily in the tangible senses of needing food or clothing.

I have thought a lot about this week and its events. If for nothing else, my Father in Heaven gave me a swift kick in the back side to wake up and recognize just what He has blessed me with. I have thought about how helping your fellow man isn't a sentiment reserved for a date in December. I have found myself crying wishing I could do more. Giving to others on what I thought would be one of the hardest holidays I've ever had has enriched me beyond belief. I may be hearing Thank You, but I need to say it as well. I'm 37 years old and I am still a rookie at life- I am still learning from the situations which present themselves to me. I simply have to be still and take in the lesson.

Tips to Tackle the Cash Register Demon

Ok, my friend who is a wonderful mother,seriously! I look at her Facebook posts and am in awe over all her kids' activities, how put together the kids and SHE look and I find myself wishing I could be a bit more like her. I am *NOT* the picture of organization or put-togetherness. LOL!

But she has five beautiful children and asked how I handle the grocery store... so I am going to parlay this into a free-for-all... meaning I want everyone who can to share their market-saving tips... :)

first of all, I have found that learning when meat is marked down is an AMAZING way to save. For example- I have found that Ray's marks stuff down close to Thursday. Ray's is local so as you can see every person will need to find this day out. I once got 10 packages of kielbasa for fifty cents each. Seriously. Now kielbasa isn't the MOST HEALTHY choice of meat, but a balanced diet is based on choices for the ENTIRE WEEK not just one day. Which, simply put, means it won't kill anyone to make a dish out of kielbasa now and then. LOL! I have purchased Candian bacon for 1.20 (about 15 slices), "diet" hamburgers for under a buck a patty and even bulk sausage for 1.00. The trick to this is that this meat MUST BE FROZEN OR COOKED ASAP! but I usually have menus planned out with stuff in the freezer so I just toss it in until I am ready to cook it.

Secondly- look for coupons. If Meijer's has a 10/10 sale and it includes Pizza Rolls, (I try to cook mostly from scratch, but this is often an easy fix when we are running like crazy), look around for a pizza roll coupon...if you find a 35 cents off coupon and it is doubled, you are paying 30 cents for each bag of pizza rolls you buy. Who wouldn't want to stock up on that??? Also Meijer will offer an 11th item for free. HELLO BONUS! LOL!

Third- make menus and stick to them. I don't mean be so rigid so that if you get a craving for chicken you won't flip a chicken meal with the meatloaf listed for tonight. I usually make up about 12 breakfasts, lunches and dinners and create a shopping list from there. Use your time wisely- if you have a few extra moments on a lazy Saturday afternoon- make up some pancakes and freeze them for breakfasts later on in the month. You can pop them in the toaster to warm them up.

I once heard that a lot of kids in elementary schools do not get breakfast. This saddened and appalled me. I have five kids, I have a chronic condition and I work 40 hours a week. In addition to that 4 out of 5 kids are involved in extra-curriculars, I am a band booster, sit on the school-advisory board for St. Rose and am the recording-secretary for my labor Union. Long story short, if *I* can make breakfast for my darlings, anyone can. LOL! It needn't be elaborate, after all it only takes a few moments to boil water to make instant oatmeal, even less if you pull out some yogurt and bananas, but this is the MOST important meal of the day!!!!

Fourth- try to incorporate a few meatless meals into the fold. My family LOOOOVES potato soup. They love pancakes for dinner. During Lent, I do cheese pizza or spaghetti without meat. It helps stretch your food budget further.

Fifth- there are innovative websites... hillbilly housewife which shares an emergency menu for 4 for 70.00 and believe it or not the USDA offers a pretty interesting guidebook with recipes for eating nutritiously on food stamps. That's the target audience, but I learned a lot from reading it and even have it bookmarked on my laptop. USDA booklet

Sixth- look for hidden costs. If I allowed my four kids to buy lunch at school each day it would cost me $45.00 a week. GASP! So I make them pack. I have adopted the concept of bento boxes... as I have discussed in this blog before, so I won't bore ya! LOL! but it's packing food into (typically) ONE container. Today the kids took 2 pieces of luncheon ham rolled up, two slices of Colby cheese, cherry tomatoes, grapes,a graham cracker and a half container of yogurt. Everything but the yogurt went into the main container- just a typical Ziploc container you can either keep or toss... holding maybe about 2 cups of soup. Monday I made salad and stuffed shells for dinner so on Tuesday the kids took the leftover salad to school. I went to Sauder's and the school marm there talked about the kids bringing whatever Mom had to spare and could pack. I am blessed with more than enough food, but I started taking that concept to heart. So a leftover piece of chicken may get diced up and included in a salad. I may hard boil a few eggs and slip them into the lunch now and then. They've had Doritos ONCE this year- they were left over from a scout pizza party. I try to focus on a protein, fruit and veggie for their lunches.

Seventh- check the ethnic section for food. I found an 8 ounce bag of ABC pasta in the Mexican section for 29cents. I coupled that with the turkey carcass mom sent home after Thanksgiving and made a rich stock. From that stock I made turkey vegetable soup. It was practically 2 cents per serving!!!

SO There ya go... please please feel free to add to this list! Sharing is always fun! :)

I've been resting...

and sleeping a lot since Wednesday. I meet with my primary care doc on Tuesday. I am hoping I can get my gallbladder out soon, I fear it growing too large to be removed laparoscopically. I know it has to come out, I am just eager to complete that portion of steps in this entire process.

I am also going to ask about talking to a neurologist or a pain management doctor regarding the pain in my lower right quadrant. I also have to have my insulin resistance tested and figure out where to go from there.

It's nice to rest and be a little spoiled- although I have managed to get my laundry almost completely caught up, both on my own and with help.

So here we go onto the next phase of figuring me out... LOL!

Post-Op

If you can call it that...

I had my "surgery" yesterday for the pain I have had for 4.5 years that I was sure were adhesions, the surgeon confirmed and we were scheduled to remove the suckers yesterday. Problem is, I have NO adhesions. Not a one. I could have cried when the nurse told me that. I am not crazy, I do not make up this pain and NO pain medications touch it. I am on oxycodone (generic percocet NOT Oxycotin which is more intense) for the incision pain but it isn't touching the rt lower quad pain in my abdomen. He shot an injection in the nerve endings inside of me, but the pain is returning.

here's what angers me, the deal was that if there were no adhesions for whatever reason, my gallbladder was to be removed. It's functioning at 4% and I did get a picture of it and it's inflamed. I am NOT a doctor, but I know it shouldn't look like a mini basketball. so I googled normal gallbladders and inflamed gallbladders.... sure enough mine looks like one that is labled as "inflamed".

When I first began to complain about the pain I went to the OB/GYN who did my last C-section because it seemed to be around ovulation and menstruation times. She diagnosed it as being in my last layer of skin, a large blob of scar tissue. It showed up on my CT scan. So when I asked yesterday if this would be removed, I was told no, that the surgeon would prefer me to be awake while he excises it. It's really rather large, I don't think his reasoning is acceptable to me (he stated he wanted me awake so that I could show him where it was... you can FEEL it). I have a HIGH tolerance for pain- it was confirmed again because I came out of surgery with no need for pain medication and even today, I am not really bothered by the incisions. I am taking the percocet in case I would be, but I am due for a dose now and they are not bothering me in the slightest. a lil tender like if I had cut myself but that's to be expected.

I also had my heart rate dip into the 40's post op and my bp took a dive... but I have low bp and I know following the birth of one of my kids the reading freaked me out (it was like 79/56) but I was told that was really pretty normal when resting (I had been asleep before the started taking it). BUT that was the first time I'd ever heard me having issues like that with anesthesia.

I had HORRIBLE acid reflux post op too. It was making me stop breathing correctly. I took my nexium so who knows... honestly, my gallbladder is probably hindering my digestion (I've been told it is) and I doubt my stomach was totally empty despite the fact that I followed all the rules about fasting.

I am calling my primary care doc this morning to see if I can get in to see him and show him the pictures they took. He believes I am insulin resistant and I think I have some proof for him. I had my last cycle on November 2 and the pictures show I have cysts on my right ovary and it was labeled as "recent ovulation". I am only 10 days past I should not be ovulating and should not have done so previously. Irregular cycles are indicative of insulin resistance so I want him to see these pictures, I also want to take my CD of my CT scan and ask him about the scar tissue in my skin and show him my gallbladder. I am scared of it rupturing. the surgeon in Cincinnati wanted me to wait until Feb for 2 reasons- 1- to make sure he didn't spill toxins from the gb into the wounds from adhesion removal and 2- to check and make sure the adhesions were not returning.

BUT since I really didn't have surgery- it was more like a very pricey camera diagnosis- I really don't see any reason to return to Cincinnati to have the thing removed. It's a long trip and even though I am at the point this year where everything is paid for, that doesn't cover gas costs, eating out, and Bethesda charges for tv in the room. Not to mention all the planning I have to do to make sure my kids are where they need to be when they need to be there. I had these kids, I do not like passing my work off on to anyone else, especially that of taking care of my family. So I am going to ask Dr. Martz for a surgeon here in town that he recommends and to ask if I can have both the GB and the scar tissue removed at the same time.

I can't exercise with it in, it hinders my daily life functions- I can't pick up my kids, can't bend over, can't walk for long distances, can't reach up, can't bathe the youngest two. It's insane. I am 35 years old, I just want my quality of life back.

Lunches!!!

I don't photograph every lunch I pack because there is no cause for repeating myself. I do a lot of the same lunches over and over- salads with fresh vegetables, pasta salads, fruit (fresh) and raw vegetables- stuff like that.

Something both A1 and B love are peanut butter and honey roll ups. Spread peanut butter on a tortilla, drizzle with honey and roll up and cut into pinwheels. These got rave reviews.



this is a hard boiled egg, banana chips, vanilla wafers and a vegetable sub. I took apiece of white American cheese, cut it into four wedges, lined two on either side of a hot dog bun, filled the center with cucumber slices and diced red pepper. I cut it in half, one for A1 and one for B.




Fat Free Bumble Bee Tuna salad kit, cherry tomatoes, sugar free applesauce and a mini muffin. This was paired with half a container of yogurt. I do that a lot- the kids can dip fresh fruit in it or eat it plain.




Just be sure if you send in pineapple yogurt or vanilla yogurt tell your kids... B almost dumped her Pineapple yogurt on her salad thinking it was ranch! OOPS!

So much for a daily post... Geesh

I found out some new things messed up with me medically... and they explain a lot. I have a Vitamin D deficiency. My level was a 9, it should be up over 30. I am taking 50,000 units of Vitamin D twice a week now. I am also showing signs of "pre-diabetes". My doctor does not believe that this is the accurate diagnosis. he believes, given everything I have told him, that I am insulin resistant. My body doesn't allow insulin to do its thing, and turns carbs and sugars into fat. A side effect of Vitamin D deficiency? Obesity.

today I am so extremely tired, I can hardly move. The fatigue is so incredible that I have slept after folding laundry, after making lunch. It is unreal. I have surgery in two days, I know with my body as it is, the narcotics I will take following surgery will have me in a semi-coma way of life. My husband will have to step up and take over so much. Thank God he is so good to me that he doesn't mind.

I wanted to get so much done before Wednesday, it's just a shame that I am too tired to do it. It upsets and angers me because I am the Momma, this is my job. At the same time, I marvel at how much I am blessed to have two teenage boys who step up to the plate over and over again to help out, to do the family thing. I marvel at how blessed I am to have friends who have told me that if I need anything to call on them. I marvel that my family- mom, in-laws and husband love me enough to take over the duties I am simply unable to do.

We are all going to be OK. You do not get assigned a cross that doesn't fit your back. I just look forward to getting my medical insanity under control.

There are some reasons to celebrate! My cholesterol is 143, triglycerides 76, iron level is 11.2 only slightly low. (I've been down to 6.4 before) and my blood cell size is still somewhat small (meaning they do not carry around iron as they should) but bigger than where they were over a year ago.

I will have surgery and then have a 2-hour sugar test when I feel up to it. Following that, I will more than likely be placed on medication to help my body understand what the insulin is there for and help me lose weight.

So there ya have it. I am a mess right now, but things often get worse before they get better so I am claiming that right for myself.

Daily updates...

I just found out there is a NaBloPoMo challenge out there... I am already doing NaNoWriMo... and since I will be out of commission of life from Nov 11 until the 30th, (HOPEFULLY) I wonder if I could take on another challenge...

I am not going to commit to it formally. I am very intent on completing my novel in a month's time. It's going well, today was the first day to write, and I have managed to log 5000 words. I jumped into the skin of my main character Kenda Mathis totally. She's not much like me at all and I am enjoying writing the story from her point of view even if the subject matter is appalling and disgusting. Diving down deep into the bitter recesses of her being (she's a character so she doesn't have a soul) has been interesting, everything I love about writing is flowing back into me with every word I write. Story ideas are zinging about in my brain like a pinball with several flippers smacking it around. FUN.

So I am going to try and update my blog EVERY. SINGLE. DAY for the month of November, I just ask that if I don't get time on the 11th, everyone understands! LOL!

Oh and my farmer gave me two massively huge onions so I am going to make and potentially blog about french onion soup in my crock pot! :) YEAY!